Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Give us a kiss

Another area I had to address during revisions was "passion." As in, insert some (pardon my French) during a particular scene. Not something I find easy, especially when I imagine people I know having to read it.

I did write a bedroom scene earlier in the book, but the emphasis there was very much on humour. Now it was time to up the ante (why does everything sound like a euphemism?)

I'm not talking full on rumpy-pumpy with heaving, thrusting, panting and glimpses of hairy buttock. God no. My imagination's not THAT good.

It was essentially an important kissing scene, which needed a bit more oomph.

Less, "Ta-ra love, don't forget to put the bin bags out" and more .... oh, it's no good I can't even do it on here. Okay, let's say kissing with intent. You know what I mean.

Naturally I thought about doing some research - picking a snake-hipped, broad-shouldered, taut-muscled, man-totty neighbour to practise on. Except we don't have any.

I did try smouldering at the postman (quite hunky) while I signed for a parcel the other morning, but he looked quite scared and asked if I was contagious. (If my husband's reading this - you know I'm kidding, love.)

Anyway in the end I put on some smoochy music, thought about Sawyer from Lost
and had to be thrown in the garden and doused with cold water an hour later.

Job done.


Talking of fancies, here's a little joke that tickled mine this morning.

"What did Mary Poppins say after dinner?
SUPER cauliflower cheese, the lobster was atrocious."
Ho HO!

Please yourself ...


DAB said...

Now, why not invest in a fetching "kiss-me-quick hat" (and family size pot of Vaseline!)go for a wee walk down your local High St and see what sort of response you get. Of course, all in the name of research - "Hello Darling - Give us a kiss! ;-) Tommox

Queenie said...

Thank you for that joke, it made me smile, I'm a sucker for terrible puns.

Suzanne Ross Jones said...

Ohhhhh, love Sawyer from Lost (sigh).


Pretty Zesty said...

Sawyer was a good choice. It's almost the end!!

Dumdad said...

The sacrifices you have to make for your art!

Chris Stovell said...

I've really enjoyed reading about your rewrites - so funny! I hate to tell you but the, ahem, sex scenes don't half come back to bite you during the editing process!! It is tres blushmaking having someone else reading them. I'm so relieved for my childrens' sakes that I didn't go for the full hairy buttock monty either!! Good luck!

Sherri said...

We all do it (well, if we're lucky and the artificial hip doesn't give way) so why is it so hard to write it? I'd rather write ANYTHING else!

Glad you got some excitement out of it at least!

Deborah Carr (Debs) said...

Sorry, am having to wipe tears from my eyes and catch my breath. Love your posts.

Unknown said...

Loved the pun...and oh do i know what you mean about those scenes. I remember writing my first one - total focus and then boom the gas man calls to service the boiler. God know what he thought by my flushed cheeks and guilty expression!

Good luck,

Fran Hill said...

Love the Mary Poppins joke. Great one!

Lane Mathias said...

'Kissing with intent' sounds an arrestable offence:-)

Kissy, kissy scenes are tricky. I've managed to shut the bedroom door quietly on them so far. Mind you Sawyer is a jolly good choice of muse:-)

Anonymous said...

Toes curling on your behalf. Very titter-provoking post!

Colette McCormick said...

You have my sympathies cos I know where you're coming from.
Liked the joke.

Amanda said...

I empathise completely - I find myself getting all embarrassed when write anything remotely passionate! X

Jan Jones said...

If you are uncomfortable, then it's worth remembering that mostly, with a female readership, as long as you put passionate feelings in, you don't need to be too explicit about the docking procedure (as my pal Jenny Haddon so beautifully puts it)

broken biro said...

Loved the post! It is strange, isn't it, that we are all blushing about this when male writers (especially male poets I know) get deep down and positively anatomical at the drop of a hat!
Maybe we should have a (sponsored?) 'Let's Write Filth' week for practice? Just saying.
p.s. Great joke!

Denise said...

When I read your post last night I started laughing, then had to explain to him why I was laughing! I wonder if your agent felt just as awkward trying to mention what was required!

Anna Scott Graham said...

Oh my goodness you nearly made me spit out my cereal!! That will teach me to read this while eating Grape Nuts, I suppose... :)))

Susie Vereker said...

I always laugh at your posts, Karen, you cheer me up no end. Don't forget to keep your own voice in all these edits. You musn't lose the special, essential 'you'- I think your writing is terrific and no one should mess too much with it.
Agree with Jan that you don't need to specify nuts and bolts - oh dear, not meant to be a double entendre.

Kath McGurl said...

That joke is TERRIBLE but the post is great, thanks for the laugh!

Lydia said...

Love that: "docking procedure" LOL! Yuk! Writing about it doesn't even bear thinking about. My cheeks were blushing and my toes curling just thinking about your edits. Thank heavens the magazines don't go in for that stuff yet. I've so far never managed to write anything I wouldn't be happy for my mother to read!! Lots of luck with further edits. Looking forward to buying the book! x

Jen said...

I did read somewhere that the best time to write sex scenes is 'when you're not getting any' though I have to say, it hasn't worked for me!

Loving all the double entendres - bring back the Carry On genre, that's what I say. *Puckers up & goes off in search of kissees*

Cheryl said...

lol I liked this. I don't really have any scenes like that and I'd like to think they won't be necessary. I don't envy you haven't to write them but the research sounds bloody brill!

Francine Howarth said...


Hee hee, love "ye oldie" pic!

What's wrong in getting down and dirty? I started my writing career in the erotic genre, though do prefer a real romantic edge as opposed to the one-night-stand plots doing the rounds in the early days of "Masquerade" New York. As for the British counter publisher imprint Nexus (SM), tut tut, humour was not allowed!
The follow up to Nexus of women for women imprint Black Lace(bought by more men than women, so I've been told) didn't grab my interest at all. I still preferred Masquerade novels and adored its CEO, because humour and fun sex scenes were allowed and not the least frowned upon as detracting from the getting down and dirty!!

After all, sex and laughter are a great combination amidst a bit of thrusting and semi-breathless groping. ;) xxx

HelenMWalters said...

I always have to get my characters drunk before they can kiss. Bit like real life then ...

Karen Jones Gowen said...

So funny!!! Glad you got your mojo working at last!

David said...

Ha ha ha! You do make me laugh. Yes, I can understand it must be tricky writing 'love' scenes and knowing your nearest and dearest are going to be reading them. Luckily as a writer you can put it all down to your imagination though!

Michelle said...

My kids will love that joke, brilliant post Karen

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean about writing sex scenes. Very difficult. Everything seems to be a double entendre, cliched at that. Reminds me of a joke: Man walks into a bar and says: Can I have a double entendre? Woman behind bar says: I'll give you one. Ha ha.

Kat W said...

Your posts never fail to make me laugh. Excellent. Glad Sawyer helped fuel the passion so that you made the scene suggestive & steamy. I can't wait to read the book - it will be fun to read how that turned out.

Kat :-)

Ann said...

If the postman has not put in for a transfer of route, you are ok! I am sure you are not the first writing person who has practiced on him!

Jean said...

I know what you mean.

And I loved the pun, though it's almost as terrible as the ones my husband comes out with!

DJ Kirkby said...

This post just made me *snerk*. You write very well, comedy writing anyway. Good luck with having to write any more of *those* scenes.

Nishant said...

Thank you for that joke, it made me smile, I'm a sucker for terrible puns
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FPDuck said...

I once smouldered at the postie. Fortunately he happened to have a fire extinguisher in his van.

On a related note, my history teacher at secondary school had a sign which read- "If you're smoking in here, you'd better be on fire!"

Giggled through your post. Chuckled at the joke. Made me smile as usual.


Fionnuala said...

Ha Karen, I've only just read this! Sawyer does it for me every time...*sighs* x

Karen said...

tommo - Knowing me I'd get arrested if I tried that - maybe I could give the Vaseline a miss!!

queenie - Happy to oblige - I'm partial to them too :o)

suzanne - Hands off, he's mine - I'll fight you if I have to ...

kris - Hi! Sawyer's been a good source of inspiration for this novel. I need a new one for the next and am already thinking Damon from The Vampire Diaries.

dumdad - It's hard work but I'm willing to make that sacrifice :o)

chris - I can imagine! Luckily there isn't much s.e.x. in mine and buttocks are kept to a minimum :o)

bernadette - I suppose it's because it's such a personal thing - also you don't want to make the whole thing too cheesy and cringey!

debs - So sorry for making you cry!

liz fenwick - I say, I hope that wasn't a euphemism! Maybe he thought you'd been at the sherry :o)

fran - Glad someone liked it :o))

lane - Must admit I'd find it very hard to close the door on Sawyer, but writing-wise I'm happy to slam it shut on THOSE scenes!

christine - Hopefully it won't come across as toe-curling if and when it's published :o) (Still find it hard to say things like that in case it doesn't happen!)

colette - Excruciating isn't it? Glad you liked the joke though.

Here's another...
Q. Why did the baker have dirty hands?
A. Because he kneaded a poo.

(Well it made me smile!)

amanda - It's much easier to make it funny instead :o)

jan jones - Docking procedure!! I LOVE it :o) And you're right, it was more about the feelings really, so no need for any thrusting.

broken biro - Just the thought of writing filth makes me feel faint. Safe to say I'll never be writing erotica for a living!

Karen said...

denise - My agent has probably seen far raunchier stuff - that's what I tell myself anyway :o)

anna - I thought you were being a bit rude there for a moment! Don't think I've ever tried Grape Nuts ...

susie vereker - Thank you for that :o) I think what's really happened with the changes is that my novel is sillier than ever! They kept telling me to make it funnier, so hopefully that's what I've done.

womagwriter - How DARE you diss my joke? I'll let you off as you liked my post though :o)

lydia - Ooh yes, I can't imagine trying to write a saucy short story! Not for People's Friend anyway ...

spiral skies - I should be brilliant at them then. Ooh Matron! I wrote the word 'penis' in my first draft and took it out in the second, that's how hopeless I am.

lilyS - The research was very good indeed in this case! I had to write it with my eyes closed though.

francine - Ooh I do admire you being able to write erotic scenes. You're right though, a dollop of laughter definitely makes it more palatable. (I'm still talking about the writing here ...)

helenmhunt - Definitely a good idea to blur the edges a bit I reckon!

karenG - All thanks to Sawyer of course!

david - I think if they ever do read it I'll pretend someone else wrote those bits!

michelle - Why thank you! I've got another one (see above) but it might be too rude for children :o)

delilah - Ha ha! I like it. The joke that is. I'll never like writing sex scenes.

katW - Ooh yes, if you ever get to read it you'll know exactly which bit I was referring to :o))

ann - He's a bit of a housewives favourite round these parts, but no longer hangs around our place ...

jean - You can't go wrong with a good pun! I was trying to think of another one, but my mind's gone blank!

djkirkby - Snerking sounds downright dangerous. It's not a sex term is it? See how paranoid I am on the subject?

nishant - Glad you like it!

fpDuck - You do make me larf! I've inserted another joke above if you'd care to peek. If you don't like it, remember I didn't make it up.

fionnuala - He's just so lovely isn't he? Although my new male crush is Damon from The Vampire Diaries. Don't tell anyone.

Leigh Russell said...

"kissing with intent" ! Why, whatever can you mean?
I have to admit the closest I've got to writing about sex is the "he held her close and kissed her" kind of description. Give me a good murder to write any day! I find that is much easier - even though I've had a few - er - kisses in my time, and I've never murdered anyone!

Caroline Green said...

Hee hee, this made me laugh out loud!

I wouldn't dream of smouldering at my postman. He's not the smouldering-at sort.

Glynis Peters said...

Oh god, if I smouldered at our postie, half the Cypriot villagers would want in on the act! LOL

The picture you painted was of you made me giggle. Visions of a pink, shortie nylon nightie and a leg wrapped around the doorpost. A postie with a flushed face and big grin.

Great post, made me smile, thanks. I hate the 'sexy' scenes, getting them onto paper is like trying to spread cold peanut butter for me, hard work!

Karen said...

caroline g - We've got a new one now - I hope it wasn't because of me!

glynis - Oh I'm with you on the peanut butter! I like the Carry On overtones conjured by the short nightie - in fact I'd be much happier writing those sort of scenes than anything serious :o)