Saturday, June 21, 2008

Too silly for words



Things that happened today that I couldn't put in my novel because they'd sound Far-Fetched.

1) Misunderstood cockney customer, who said he'd reserved a book in the name of "Takka." Spent minutes flipping through the shelf thinking, that's funny he doesn't look Japanese (it sounded Japanese to me, okay?) what with the tufty white nostril hair and shovel-like hands. 'What was the name again?'

'TAKKA' he said slowly, as if dealing with a simpleton. 'Can you spell it?' I asked desperately. Imagine the humiliation when he roared, 'T-U-C-K-E-R,' rolling his eyes in a what's-the-world-coming-to-when-even-librarians-can't-spell manner.

2) Held a conversation behind the counter with a colleague who was down on her knees rummaging through a box, prompting a child to say to his mum 'why's that lady talking to herself?'

3) Went to the local supermarket where a checkout assistant made me hold out my hand so he could balance a pile of loose change on my wrist and titter girlishly. (They have a policy of employing Those Less Fortunate, which is to be applauded but can backfire. The woman behind me put her basket down and walked out.)

4) Went to the garage to fill up a petrol can for the lawnmower (if that makes any sense) but didn't realise you need to be gentle with the nozzle (as it were.) The petrol hit the can with all the subtlety of a cannon ball and backwashed me head to toe. Had to pay holding arms out like a demented sleepwalker, squinting through burning eyes, terrified I might catch fire, and drive home at high speed whimpering with fear to hurl myself into the shower.

I'm hoping for an uneventful evening in front of the telly. I wouldn't put that in my novel either. Too boring.

I can't win. (I still smell a bit funny though.)

16 comments:

Paul Capewell said...

Now now, a couple of strange customers and a supermarket weirdo is no reason to douse yourself in petrol and set fire to it!

Nice stories. I often have trouble recounting the bizarre stuff that happens day-to-day - I need to write them down or something. I do sometimes but finding "skateboarding school!" scrawled on my hand in biro at the end of the day is too baffling to comprehend.

womagwriter said...

Ooh the petrol thing sounds terrifying! I don't see why you can't put these in a novel. Or in short stories.

Lane said...

There's nowt as queer as folk - especially those reeking of petrol.

ooh I love all the bizarro stuff. Just make sure you write it all down.

Ops you already have:-)

JJ said...

OMG, the petrol thing would terrify me. I do often talk to myself, and I've been known to look blank many a time to a Scot!

Debs said...

You are hilarious, or maybe I shouldn't be laughing so heartily at your misfortunes. I don't see why you couldn't include them in your novel somewhere. Sorry, still tittering away here.

Okay, am calming down a little and have to admit that the petrol backwashing bit would terrify me too. Scary stuff.

TOM FOOLERY said...

"They asked me how I knew
It was Esso Blue,
I of course replied
With lower grades one buys
Petrol gets in your eyes" You poor thing you, hope the smell has evoporated :) Tommox

SpiralSkies said...

Oh my God, dousing yourself in petrol does not sound very good at all.

Do you go any faster now?

Ernest de Cugnac said...

Hysterical! I was once asked by a Scot where he could find Mr Gree. It took me about as long to decipher that as Grey.

KAREN said...

paul - A blog is quite useful for recording such oddities. In fact there have been so many over the years I should probably start a blog devoted to them!

womagwriter - I kept thinking, what if someone strikes a match?? If I wrote it in my novel people would probably think 'surely no-one would be that stupid.'

lane - You're so right. And I seem to encounter most of them! I can still smell petrol today, I must have absorbed some.

jj - I must admit I don't need an excuse to talk to myself, but the one time I WASN'T I get accused of it!

debs - The children thought it was hi-larious, that's for sure. They weren't even a tiny bit worried about me. Tut.

tommo - I didn't want to laugh at that but couldn't help it. I'm still breathing fumes out.

spiralskies - I SEEM to be getting around more quickly this morning. Maybe I should dump the fish oil and stick with petrol??

ernest - That's funny. It's not the first time I've misunderstood a name I must say. I expect he'll avoid me next time.

KatW said...

Excellent! Very funny - except for the petrol thing which was quite terrifying! Kat :-)

Yvonne said...

The petrol incident sounds horrible, you poor thing, I would be terrified. The rest made me lol though, and in my opinion perfect for fiction!

Tam said...

Oh dear. You make me feel quite good about the things that happened to me (nothing more serious than a touch of sunburn).

Hope you've got the petrol out of your hair...

Mickmouse said...

Being showered in petrol is scary, though any petrolheads you encounter may be inclined to comment favourably on your perfume...ever seen the advert with the husband sniffing a newly delivered petrol covered engine at the kithen table, offering his wife a smell?
Never a truer word spoken when someone said Life is stranger than fiction sometimes!
Michelle

Leigh said...

Woman in petrol station filling car, when hose breaks off the nozzle. Without the value in the nozzle to tell it to stop, pump keeps pumping out petrol at high rate, while hose swishes around like demented snake. Woman soon covered in the high-octane stuff.

First person to come to her aid was smoking...

(Himself worked on investigation into cause of accident.)

KAREN said...

katw - It was both funny and terrifying. Funnier after the event, naturally!

yvonne - I think I'd prefer to forget the incident altogether, now I've had time to reflect!

tam - Sunburn? Sunburn??? I'd LOVE some sunburn. Nothing but wind and drizzle here :o(

mickmouse - I hadn't thought of that. "Eau de Petrol." Has quite a ring to it....

leigh - Thank god people don't smoke in such places. That was my worst fear.
What a terrible accident that must have been :o0

wordtryst said...

You've got company in the silly department, trust me. I just ran full tilt into a steel window - for the second time - and pretty much brained myself. Didn't blog about it because I did the first time and suspected that people would think I'm crazy. How many times do you crack your head on the same window?!!

It was scary finding myself flat on my back in the dirt, but your gas story is much, much scarier. I would've freaked out totally.

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