Things that happened today that I couldn't put in my novel because they'd sound Far-Fetched.
1) Misunderstood cockney customer, who said he'd reserved a book in the name of "Takka." Spent minutes flipping through the shelf thinking, that's funny he doesn't look Japanese (it sounded Japanese to me, okay?) what with the tufty white nostril hair and shovel-like hands. 'What was the name again?'
'TAKKA' he said slowly, as if dealing with a simpleton. 'Can you spell it?' I asked desperately. Imagine the humiliation when he roared, 'T-U-C-K-E-R,' rolling his eyes in a what's-the-world-coming-to-when-even-librarians-can't-spell manner.
2) Held a conversation behind the counter with a colleague who was down on her knees rummaging through a box, prompting a child to say to his mum 'why's that lady talking to herself?'
3) Went to the local supermarket where a checkout assistant made me hold out my hand so he could balance a pile of loose change on my wrist and titter girlishly. (They have a policy of employing Those Less Fortunate, which is to be applauded but can backfire. The woman behind me put her basket down and walked out.)
4) Went to the garage to fill up a petrol can for the lawnmower (if that makes any sense) but didn't realise you need to be gentle with the nozzle (as it were.) The petrol hit the can with all the subtlety of a cannon ball and backwashed me head to toe. Had to pay holding arms out like a demented sleepwalker, squinting through burning eyes, terrified I might catch fire, and drive home at high speed whimpering with fear to hurl myself into the shower.
I'm hoping for an uneventful evening in front of the telly. I wouldn't put that in my novel either. Too boring.
I can't win. (I still smell a bit funny though.)