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Anger management

I’ve worked in three different branches now, and it’s official. The library staff hate the New System nearly as much as the customers do. The trouble is, we’re fed-up now of fielding the same complaints day after day. Minute after minute, actually. To the point where I’ve developed an Inner Dialogue that goes something like this…

Customer 1: I couldn’t find my receipt, so I couldn’t remember when my DVDs were due back. I’m not paying the fine, it wasn’t my fault.
Me : Don’t worry, Madam. It’s a common problem at the moment. You won’t be charged this time.
Thinks…Tell you what, love. Why don’t you take all the bloody DVDs out and just don’t bother bringing them back ever, and we’ll give you a medal. Does that sound fair?

Customer 2 : I’ve written the date inside my library books even though we’re not supposed to, because I wouldn’t have remembered when to bring them back otherwise.
Me: That’s okay. It’ll be a bit confusing for the next customer though. Maybe you could write the date on your calendar in future?
Thinks… To be honest, spud-face, I couldn’t give a flying crab-cake. Do what you want with your chuffing books. Tear the pages out and make them into doilies for all I care. Just don’t speak to me ever again.

Customer 3 : I absolutely hate your new system.
Me : Well! You’re not the only one! Would you like to fill in a complaint form?
Thinks…Morning to you too, Mrs Blobby. You obviously met misery a long time ago and let it move in. And it’s not MY ruddy system…

Customer 4: What’s the point of spending money on a new system, when you haven’t got any new books in?
Me: Well, there’s a bit of a backlog at the moment, but new stock is starting to filter through!
Thinks…What’s the point of you bringing your child in here to writhe on the floor screaming until you leave? Madam. Or trying to look cross when you’ve had Botox?

Manager : So! Have you got used to the New System then?
Me : Oh! Er, yes, yes..getting there. (Smiles weakly)
Thinks... I got used to it two weeks ago. It’s still s***.

It’s only a matter of time before something Slips Out…


Paul Capewell said…
Excellent post!

Each minute I spend downstairs at the moment I am reminding myself of my hiding place upstairs and how you guys are putting up with this full-time. It isn't fair by a long shot.

It's hilarious (well..) how NOBODY (staff or public) can find a single good thing to say about Spydus! The so-called defences are are so weak as to be bare-faced lies, and emails come through now each week taking steps back towards backing down against the public.

We'll be using a card catalogue by the end of the year, I can just tell!
womagwriter said…
LOL! Poor Karen. Keep smiling, spud-face might get upset if you don't.
Denise said…
Maybe you could start a resistance movement, secretly reinstating the card system, and date stamping the books under the desk. Sounds like all the staff would happily join in!
JJ said…
OMG, I'd never know when mine were due back either I'm afraid. I lose receipts the second I put them in my purse.
Kerry said…
I'm with could even make a little profit - 10p a date stamp? You also need some "muscle" in the form of someone who will threaten to steal the other librarians packed-lunches if they to be prepared!
LOL. Clarkey :)
Oh, it reminds me of my days in the theatre, when the old biddies from the "Classical music set" barked down the phone demanding to buy the BEST seats in the house.
Blinking plonkers, you'll get what you're given lady. I've reserved the best seats behind the pillar for you. Enjoy the performance. Oh such sweet revenge!

God, won't it me funny if everyone could hear what we all muttered under our breath. What an honest world it would be... Tommox
L-Plate Author said…
I don't have anything else to say apart from you are so funny. I love reading your posts hun x
Lane said…
spud face
crab cake

I see food related images in your (unheard) mutterings!:-)

Oh if only they really knew!

I think, as the public face of the library, you're standing up pretty well to all this abuse. Libraries would be great without the public, wouldn't they:-)
SpiralSkies said…
Mrs Blobby! Spud-face! Oh, such language - and you a librarian. What is the world coming to?
HelenMH said…
Ooh yes - go back to card catalogues - that's a great idea!
Lily Sheehan said…
Or trying to look cross when you’ve had Botox? best line ever. I am still laughing. Thank you !!!
A novel(!) idea awaits you over in my comments box. May involve a bit of surgery but the result could be interesting! Off with your head.
:O Tommox
Oh please please please turn the "thinks" into "utterances"
Yvonne said…
LOL! Thanks for the laughs Karen, you are a genius. Flying crab cakes...
Debs said…
LOL. Isn't it amazing how they all think that they are the first ones to say these things too.

Poor you, I bet you wish you could date stamp their heads.

KAREN said…
paul - Madness, isn't it? By Friday I noticed Kate had taken to barking, "Oh well, you're stuck with it I'm afraid," with a mad gleam in her eye. Can't blame her really :o)

womagwriter - I will keep smiling. Through gritted teeth!

denise - That's not a bad idea actually. If only I knew where the pesky date-stamps were hidden...

jj - Me too. In fact I threw MY library receipts away by accident the other day, so I'm as bad as the customers!

kerry - You make it sound fun! Maybe we could wear a uniform and everything. Cardigans would feature, obviously...

tommo - People can't handle that much honesty. The fabric of society would crumble. I think my face might have said it all though :o)

l-plate - Well, I suppose there is a funny side to most things, even if I can't see them at the time!

lane - I hadn't noticed the foodie theme, but it doesn't surprise me!

I think we ARE going to have to ban the public from coming in quite soon, for the sake of our sanity :o)

spiralskies - Shocking isn't it? It's the stress of course. That's my excuse anyway...

helenmh - I do remember card catalogues, which says a lot about my age! Mind you, it worked perfectly well.

lily - Thing is she was trying to LOOK cross, but only managed to appear mildly surprised!

tommo - I think my brain needs to stay put. I wouldn't inflict it on anyone else!

ernest - I'm slightly worried I already have, without realising...

yvonne - I confess to never having seen a flying crab cake, but it seemed appropriate at the time!

debs - That's the trouble. They all think they're the first to complain! Grrrrr.
Leigh said…
From now on, for the benefit and amusement of your blogmates, please carry a dictaphone in your top pocket. Better still, may I suggest a live audio-stream straight to your blog? Then you won't be able to edit out The Slip when it finally does.

The upshot of this plan is that we'll all be so doped on hilarity, that you'll know where to come for a laugh when you get the sack [chortle chortle].
Milla said…
It's the stupidest ploody system yet. yes, do start a resistance!

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