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I Need a Hero

Flicking through my stats today, while waiting for short story inspiration to strike (more productive than than raiding the bread bin) I noticed that the keywords bringing people to my blog last week (only to be sorely disappointed) were "sexiest thing on two legs Armitage." I don't know why, as I can't remember ever writing about him.

This man can clearly do no wrong at the moment. He's coming top in all sorts of "ideal hero" polls at the moment, even toppling the magnificent Colin Firth who didn't even make the list this year. The world has truly gone topsy-turvy. However, I'm not immune to the charms of the Armitage m'self. Or more specifically the character he played in The Vicar of Dibley, and he does tend to pop into my head when I'm writing the male lead in The Novel.

Romantic heroes in women's fiction do tend to follow a pattern, physically at least. Thick, dark hair, chocolate brown eyes, lightly tanned skin, lazy smiles and muscular arms. I thought about writing one with thinning hair, a lazy eye, sticky-out ears and a limp, but it wouldn't work - even if he was phenomenally good in bed and kind to old ladies and animals. This is fiction. Our heroes have to be generically good-looking, alpha males, even if they're penniless and flawed in the personality department. It's the law.

The second most Google-ed words on my stats list were "sheepskin slippers".

Sex-crazed grannies anyone?


HelenMHunt said…
Well it'll bring all the PF readers flocking!
This comment has been removed by the author.
And in 3rd place was a brown sexy caridigan? No less ;-) Tommox

My first comment was a tad rude! :)
Debs said…
I tend to write about the same type of heros (the tall, dark, sexy ones that is, not the lazy eye, sticky-out ears and a limp ones).
!!! Actually I am not listening to you, I am too busy wiping the two lines of drool from my face, over that Armitage picture...
sheepskin slippers??? lol.
Pat Posner said…
Well, both stotl Armitage and sheepskin slippers make for warm (hot???) thoughts.
Queenie said…
"thinning hair, a lazy eye, sticky-out ears and a limp" - that made me laugh, thank you!
Lane said…
Now if Mr Armitage was wearing sheepskin slippers, your blog stats would probably explode:-)
Fionnuala said…
You are completely mad and gave me a huge laugh out loud moment reading that. Lane's already got in with what I wanted to say...y'know himself in a pair of slippers. Nothing else mind. Fx
Suzanne said…
Afraid I'm not as high minded as you - I like my heroes filthy rich.

John Barrowman has brought a good few visitors to my blog (and, strangely, there are some odd sites that have linked to my JB posts). Alan Rickman searchers have also turned up. I think they've been disappointed because they haven't been back.
Emerging Writer said…
confess, I thought you had been writing about Simon Armitage and his sexy poems!
wordtryst said…
Don't know much (okay, anything) about L'Armitage, but I once read a western romance with a very poor, beaten-up, one-armed hero. Worked for me, but then I find Willem Dafoe excruciatingly sexy, to the horror of all who (think they) know me. Give me a touch of the edgy or offbeat in your alpha male and I'm all drool.

Not the lazy eye, though. That would creep me out no end.
SpiralSkies said…
My perfect hero is nothing like Armitage. In fact, I don't even know who he is! My hero is of indeterminate looks but is fabulous with the hoover. And he can cook. He's probably short and warty though. Still, you can't have it all eh?
Amanda said…
Ooh, Karen Mr Armitage as the lead man in your novel - very nice! x
KatW said…
Perhaps if Mr Armitage was wearing one sheepskin on his....(not his feet) maybe that new word would get you a whole hew set of hits.........BUT maybe not the sort you want. Okay so I'm not being helpful. I am thinking though that your blog is fab just because of your excellent writing and sense of humour.

Oh and photos like this one make it even better. Kat :-)
Edward said…
I'll have a sex-crazed granny if you've got any spare ;¬}
Leigh said…
There's nothing wrong with sheepskin slippers.
Anna said…
he's a nice bit of eye candy...

but I don't think any of the islanders look quite like him. enjoy the book! I liked it...
laurie said…
he was in the vicar of dibley??? i think of "north and south."

("turn back and look at me...")
Suzanne said…
Have just found your story in this week's best. LOVED IT.

Fiona said…
'I thought about writing one with thinning hair, a lazy eye, sticky-out ears and a limp.'

You are very funny - and writerly.

Do you think if I add 'donkey' to my tags, I'll get more visits? On second thoughts, not a good idea as I'd probably attract your alter hero, above.
KAREN said…
helenmh - Ooh, matron!

tommo - I'm wearing one of those today, now you mention it :o)

debs - Me too! I seem to have a mental blueprint.

ladybird - Armitage wearing sheepskin slippers? Yeah, it still works for me :o)

patp - Red-hot methinks :o)

lane - I think I'd prefer him in slippers. I'm not keen on feet, whoever's they are!

queenie - We've all met our fair share of those! Just me?

fionnuala - Oo-er, that conjures up quite an image!

suzanne - It does make you wonder what they're expecting to find :oO

emerging writer - Ah, hope I didn't disappoint too much :o))

wordtryst - Ooh, I used to like Willem Defoe too. Haven't seen him in anything for ages though!

bfs - Better than making you cry !!

sprialskies - Short and warty eh? I expect he shouts Wa-hay! on occasion too ...

amanda - I think so :o))

katw - Thank you for those kind words. And the rude image :o)

edward - I've got a couple in the cupboard under the stairs ...

leigh - Especially not in the weather we've been having lately. I'm welded to my pair!

anna - Not the best photo of him, but not bad :o)

laurie - Ooh, I haven't seen that. Must look out for the DVD!

suzanne - Thanks for that! I haven't stopped grinning all day :o))

fiona - I dread to think what would happen if you added the word donkey :oO There'd be lots of disappointed visitors I expect!
Cait O'Connor said…
Nice photo, more warming than sheepskin slippers.

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