Skip to main content

Another fine mess...

Look at my new recipe for coconut flapjacks. I know what you're thinking. You've made me hungry - I must have one.

Okay, so they went wrong. You probably can't tell. I chucked the ingredients into the pan earlier, after shooing the Teens off to school and feeding the dog, then I sat down at the computer and didn't come round until a - what can only be described as life-threatening - smell of burning brought me to my senses and sent me hurtling into the kitchen. Poor Molly-dog was slithering around on her tummy with a damp tea-towel wrapped round her face, telephone in paw as she tried to get through to emergency services. Alright, she wasn't, but you get the picture. (She did give me a disapproving look though.) The smell was so bad it seeped, inexplicably, into my sock drawer upstairs.

Anyway, I charged about, eyes watering, swearing a lot and threw the pan in the sink and stared into it, dismally, realising I didn't have enough ingredients for another batch. I wondered if this was a metaphor for my writing...

It wasn't. Thank God. If it had been, I'd have to seriously think about giving up and going back into full-time office work. Or one of the many other not-really-me-but-I-need-to-earn-a-crust jobs I've had over the years. No, instead I found myself thinking, "It's all their fault. Those blummin' bloggers, with all their witty, pithy, clever, amusing, interesting, informative and downright distracting...well, blogs for want of a better word - posts, maybe. Articles? Commentaries? Columns? Features? Crowd-pullers...step away from the Thesaurus ...

If it wasn't for them I'd be scoffing a tasty treat right now, before moving onto Chapter Five of The Novel, instead of rummaging about in the bin-bag round the side of the house, in my dressing-gown, looking for left-over cake crumbs like a fox with a sweet tooth - my writing life in ruins. Ruins, I tellsya!

Talking of making excuses (which I suspect I am) my son came home from school with an amusing little printout the other day - the best of which was... "Sir, I'm having a problem with my eyes. I can't see myself coming in to school/work any more."
(This is the kind of thing they do at school these days...the Internet has a lot to answer for).

Warning: if you try this, you'll be expelled/sacked

Right - where was I? And who can I blame?


womagwriter said…
Oh dear, oh dear! Shouldn't laugh, but you do write very amusingly about it - so why not use the disaster as the ingredients for a story.
Maddie Moon said…
Umm, yummy, they look absolutely ... interesting. What are those orange bits on top? No, don't tell me.

I think it's a message from up above. Telling you to get on with writing your novel and to stop trying to burn the house down. You are truly destined to be a writer, but not of the Nigella Lawson variety.

BTW, I've put in call to the RSPCA.
Full time office work, Oh PLEASE! STOP think again!
The flapjacks look like a Tate Modern exhibition, now there's a thought, first prize £20 grand (I think):) TFX.
Leigh said…
And as for the writers of "witty, pithy, clever, amusing, interesting, informative and downright distracting" ain't so innocent yourself.

M'lud, I present exhibit A: which blog did duly distract me for eight and a half minutes, yesterday morning - during which time my tea went cold, and I failed to unload the dishwasher. Twelve minutes yesterday lunchtime - during which time I failed to feed my children, who are now starving. And a full eighteen-minutes-and-thirty-five seconds yesterday evening - during which time I failed to feed my husband, who has now left me. Therefore, I hold Karen Clarke responsible for the maintenance of myself and children (and cat, and tropical fish).

I rest my case.
Annieye said…
Don't do it! Carry on writing/blogging.

Or else what would I do during my 9-5 job while the boss is at a meeting!

I giggled out loud at this Karen. Then got some inquisitive looks from colleagues ....

Ssshhh ... don't tell them I'm blogging in work-time!
Alis said…
Oh my goodness! (wipes eyes) Amusement value ten out of ten. Sorry about the edibles but hey, you've lightened all our days. And I must tell my two about that printout of your son's - they'll love it
SpiralSkies said…
Ew, the mouldy baked beans on the top are a bit suss.

Perhaps you could get a job as a school dinner lady? ;0)

HelenMH said…
The answer, clearly, is to teach Molly-dog to cook! She could then be whipping up tasty treats whilst you get on with writing. It's simple when you think about it!
L-Plate Author said…
Everyone's right, Karen. I too laughed out loud about your comments on other 'witty' blogs and that bowl of...blob.

Keep on smiling, it's a tough old world out there x
Casdok said…
Tate Modern does sound a good idea! Could earn a fortune!
Anonymous said…
Thanks for visiting my blog, sorry it has taken me so long to pop by.

Karen this made me smile, it looks exactly like one of my finer experimental cooking efforts. They begin with good intentions, but somehow, I can't maintain my focus for long.
Lane said…
That's cheered me right up! Especially Mollie on the phone!

I'm afraid 'blummin blogin' is the cause of many a burnt offering here too but with my cooking they don't really notice the difference:-)
womagwriter - That's a bloomin' good idea!

maddie - Re: the orangey bits - I thought for a minute I'd inadvertently stumbled across the secret recipe for Crunchie bars. Sadly, on closer inspection, I was proved wrong.

tf - I'm not sure the Tate Modern is ready for a display of such beauty...

leigh - It wasn't my fault m'lud...she made me do it.

annieye - Blogging at work??? Right, where's the phone...

alis - Don't encourage them, for heaven's sake!!

sprial skies - Mouldy baked beans??? That was caramelised sugar, I'll have you know. And it was delicious...(okay, it wasn't).

helenmh - That's a damn fine idea - about time she earned her keep :)

l-plate - That bowl of blob had to be chucked. The bowl was beyond cleaning unfortunately!

casdok - It does have a certain je ne sai quoi...non?

hullaballoo - I need to give up really, before something terrible happens :)

lane - Bloggin's my excuse, but it's starting to wear thin...just as I will if I keep cooking like that. Could be a diet plan??
Poetess said…
You make me laugh.

Think I may be gassing myself. Pan of soup boiled over.

I really should not drink and cook.

I'm sorry about your flapjack.
Moondreamer said…
Hahaha! Such a giggle, Karen ... I agree with Leigh, the words 'pot' and 'kettle' spring to mind!

It's a good job my two are teenagers, and can feed themselves. It hasn't taken them long to get into the new swing of things here:

They walk into the kitchen: 'What ya doin? It's tea time!'
'Blog. Gimme five!' (Too engrossed to talk in sentences.)
Much tutting and rolling of eyes. After the third or fourth subtle attempt to rouse me, someone will be hungry enough to start tea!


Popular posts from this blog

100th Post!

100 posts! This time last year I was a Blogging Virgin. Now I’m a bit of a slag. It’s become the highlight of my week, both reading yours and writing mine. Which means either:

a) I don’t get out much
b) I don’t get out much, or
c) I don’t get out much

(I think it's C)

This was my first ever post. Not a single comment did it receive. I dry-heaved into my hanky for an hour and considered leaving the country. Then I cottoned on to leaving comments in order to entice readers over.

Anticipating disappointment, outrage or (worse) apathy, I was pleasantly surprised to trap some lovely Readers in my cage of blathery nonsense. I nearly threw a Comments Party, but daren't push my luck.

It’s been a real journey, as they say on bad reality TV (is there any other sort?) On the way, I’ve been given some fantastic advice from you lot, as well as from a Real Published Author and more importantly I've learned that…

Mugs CAN live without kettles
The price of gravy changes with the wind
You can live i…

Q&A with Amanda Brittany

I'm thrilled to welcome Amanda Brittany to my blog today, to talk about her debut thriller Her Last Lie. 

It's been described as 'gripping with a shocking twist' and I can confirm that it is!

(It also has an amazing cover)

Which character in Her Last Lie would you like to meet?
Hi Karen, thank you for inviting me to your blog.
I suppose feisty Roxanne is the character I’d most like to meet. She’s so determined to get to the bottom of things, and appears to be a good friend to Isla.
There are definitely a couple of characters in the book I would hope never to meet.

I know the book has several settings, which did you enjoy writing the most?
I loved writing the second part of the book set in Abisko in Sweden. I visited Abisko a couple of years back, and it was great fun bringing the cold, bleak landscape to life, and describing the way The Northern Lights swoop across the night skies.
Are any of your characters based on people you know?
No, not at all, they all sprang from my imagi…

Guest post - Elise Chidley

Today I’m delighted to welcome author, Elise Chidley to my blog. Elise has written two wonderfully warm and witty novels, The Wrong Sort of Wife and Married with Baggage, and I absolutely loved them both. Intelligent and romantic, as well as funny, they’re peopled with characters you can’t help warming to.

Elise is giving away 2 free copies of The Wrong Sort of Wife and 2 copies of the American version, Your Roots are Showing. If you’d like to leave a comment below I’ll pick the winners at random on Sunday!

So, without further ado …

Elise, when did your writing career begin?

I’ve been writing for a living since my first job as features writer with a national women’s magazine in South Africa, but I started writing fiction after my third child was born. At that stage, I was telecommuting as a staff writer for a publisher of health care magazines, writing three feature stories a week. The pressure of these deadlines, coupled with looking after three small children, was just not sustainable. …